As a person who is on a spiritual or personal development journey, you are not only improving your way of living but also your way of loving. But somehow, this field of love and relationships is still something where most people are experiencing the same old relationship patterns. Because often, people’s behavior in relationships stems from ideas, beliefs, and models they’ve learned from their environment (like parents, friends or society in general). That’s why it’s time that we learn a new way of a spiritual relationship through spiritual love.
Warning: this post may be triggering. Your ego may argue with you and fight the ideas being presented here.
That’s why it’s important that you try for the period of reading this post to set all thoughts aside and to be completely open-minded to the ideas being presented here.
Spiritual love is based on a very realistic and truth-based approach to relationships with the main goal to increase both people’s awareness and consciousness. This is very different from what you hear from other teachers when it comes to love and relationships. Often, they teach that the main goal of a relationship is to mirror each other, then heal the wounds, co-create and so on. While this is not wrong or bad, it should not be the main goal of a relationship.
Spiritual love is mainly focused on becoming aware together and using the other person as a catalyst, especially using the love you feel as a catalyst, to experience higher levels of awareness. So the focus is not on healing, creating or mirroring but on awareness itself.
As soon as the awareness level is raised, old problems (aka wounds, behaviors and so on) fade away automatically. Because in truth there is only awareness. There are no wounds to be healed, no mirrors to be explored and no behavior coming from your partner that is good or bad. There simply is awareness and existence without thought. Thoughts are illusions created by the mind.
But before we go deeper, we have to first look at what generally happens when you date someone to better understand the problem we are facing.
What happens when you date
Before you even meet the potential partner for the first time
You have general thoughts about who you are and what you’ve been through and you created beliefs around your personality. For example, The hobbies you have, what you like and dislike.
Furthermore, you have thoughts, assumptions and maybe beliefs about the other person (maybe you are assuming that they are very kind and nice).
And you have desires, assumptions, wishes, expectations, and dreams about the relationship that may evolve.
On top of that
The other person has thoughts, stories, beliefs about themselves.
Also, the person has thoughts, assumptions and maybe beliefs about you.
And the other person has thoughts, stories, beliefs, and assumptions about the relationship between the two of you.
All of that happens before you even meet. And all of this comes together when you actually meet the person.
But that’s not enough.
Both of you also have beliefs, stories, and assumptions about reality and everything that human life is about (One may believe that working a nine to five is the only way to earn money, while the other one believes in a life purpose).
So dating someone is like two worlds clashing. Two giant bubbles of self-created reality coming together.
Do you agree with me that all of that is happening on a mental level? That beliefs, stories, assumptions are all mental? That these giant bubbles of self-created reality are completely thought based?
The reason this is pointed out here is that these mental concepts are the obstacle. The assumptions, thoughts, stories, beliefs about you, the other person, the relationship, and reality, in general, are in your way. They are preventing you from truly experiencing deep levels of love that are so close to infinite-awareness-love-bliss.
Why most relationships fail
And that’s part of the reason most relationships fail. Both of the people in the relationship are constantly creating stories, beliefs, and assumptions about the other person, themselves and the relationship in their mind, without even considering a change of personality. And over the years this gets more and more.
You may think you are getting to know the person, but actually, you are conceptualizing the person.
Constantly, you are scanning the person, memorizing things like a computer. You think you get to know the person better and better but actually, you are just creating data in our mind. Like a machine.
Like a robot.
So, you are way too focused on the mental aspects of the relationship (aka getting to know the person) than on the awareness aspect.
And this is where we got it all wrong.
We got it all wrong
We have the goal in our mind to find a partner who takes care of us, who we can talk about everything with, who we can “heal” with.
But there is no point in talking, healing and getting to know someone on just a mental level.
The mind, and therefore thoughts are infinite. Thus, problems are infinite, healing is infinite. All this is mental. Finding someone who talks with you about your problems, who tells you stories or like everyone likes to say “is there for you” is still mental. If you have a partner who talks with you about your problems all night, who helps you in bad times, ok. But can you see that there is no end to that? That this is all mental and infinite. You will find things to talk about for the rest of your life. You probably find problems for the rest of your life.
This does not mean that you should not talk to each other. But it means that the mental noise, the stories, problems and all of that is just mental noise that is distracting you from experiencing awareness through each other. From gaining a deeper understanding of reality. It prevents you from merging into infinite love.
One of the reasons we love sex so much is because we are merging with the person into the present moment. We are totally aware of how everything feels, how the other person feels. And we are out of our head. We totally feel their energy, their awareness. And this is what feels good.
The merging of two Selves that are actually ONE.
And that’s what we totally learned to ignore.
Spiritual Love- The real goal of a relationship
The real goal of a relationship, the real purpose, is to experience awareness together.
The goal of a relationship is not to get to know a person. This getting to know is just a byproduct of spending time together and communicating.
But the goal of a relationship is to experience awareness together.
To experience deeper levels of truth and of reality through and with the other person.
The other person is like a catalyst for new levels of awareness.
The relationship itself is the catalyst for higher love and higher levels of awareness.
A relationship is another angle awareness becomes aware of itself.
And this does not happen by thinking about the person or by getting to know them. This does not happen by talking about who you are, what you’ve been through.
It happens by simply being with the person.
It happens by being in the other person’s presence and fully experiencing their field of awareness.
Through merging with their awareness you become more aware of your true nature. Through seeing that there is nothing in between you and the other person, you are becoming more aware of the truth. Seeing that there is only awareness enables greater levels of love and peace.
The potential of relationships
Relationships have a huge potential for incredibly high levels of awareness. Because the love for another person is so close to infinite-eternal-awareness-love-bliss that you can use that love for another person as a catalyst, as a gateway tool to experience infinite-eternal-awareness-love-bliss. Both of you can actually use the love for each other as a catalyst instead of using that love as a justification to spend time together, thinking together, talking to each other, or healing each other. As you now know the theory, you may still be missing the practical application. Here are two ways you can let go of all mental concepts to enable higher awareness. (There are further practical applications coming soon).
When you start dating someone for the first time:
Sit down before the date and let go of all thoughts about the person.
Let go of all the beliefs you already have, the stories you’ve already accumulated and especially expectations, desires, and needs you have towards a relationship in general.
Sit down and look at all this and say “This is just a thought” and love and let go of that thought.
Do this with everything that comes up. Allow yourself to really sit for at least 30 minutes.
Empty yourself completely, go out and date the person and feel the magic.
If you are in a relationship:
Sit down and let go. Let go of everything you think you know about the person. Wake up in the morning and look at the person and see them without your stories. Forget your thoughts about the person.
Look at them closely and see that they are aware, they are love. And you love them because you love the awareness and the presence that they are. Not the mental containers you created around them.
You love them because they remind you of infinite-eternal-awareness-love-bliss.
picture: StockSnap (CC0 Public Domain)